


Heart Cooks Brain

by eloha



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 07:18:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13519242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eloha/pseuds/eloha
Summary: The years go fast and the days go so slow.The days go so slow





	Heart Cooks Brain

**Author's Note:**

> I took a break from my other UshiSemi to bring you guys this depressing shit and I hope you lot hate me immensely for it. I won't say anything else except I'm sorry and this ending is terrible but whatever....................

There he was. Standing tall and proud in that all white tuxedo surrounded by different flowers in this gardenia, he was as ethereal as he was sexy. The butterflies flying over friends heads, the birds whistling out their own song above my own. I had heard the music playing inside before Tendou shook my arm signaling it was my time to go, but I was still in denial. 

It had been 6 long years, I had not expected to marry Ushijima, If I'm being honest. I'd had stayed by his side whether he popped that question or not simply because I was hopelessly in love with him. He was an angel, a beautiful man that was as equally appealing as well as caring. I never had a doubt in my mind when he rolled over on top of me and asked me outright. It was a particularly great day, following a magnificent weekend bundled up inside of our quaint little apartment. We had turned our phones off and spent the weekend immersing ourselves underneath the covers. We had talked about who knows what with the time in between, it could have been the sun, the moon, what made up the universe. What made up our universe. I had thought it been a fluke at first, him asking me in such a way, but it was no later than the next Sunday when he produced a ring. A beautiful ring, topaz and peridot. Spinel and Citrine interwoven with two diamonds on either side, representing our love our union.

I try to hold back the tears in my eyes, seeing you standing there looking as if the world itself is being brought upon your plate. I feel a single tear roll out of my eye as the band starts. Our friends get up smiling at the joy they're witnessing. I hold the flowers in my hand tighter, sunflowers. Our favorite flower. I grasp Tendou's arm tighter thinking how this can't be real, but as I slide up closer to you those olive eyes shine so brightly at me. Unshed tears forming there and I still can't believe this is happening. Tendou kisses my cheek as he gives me away and leans in closely to your ear saying something I can't hear. But that laugh rings out, and I don't need to know what he said at all.

Ushijima grasps my hand, such a strong warm hand compared to my clammy one, and I walk up to stand in front of him. I hear the words being spoken, hear my own words that I had thought of for this moment but everything fades as you open your mouth. Your rich voice speaking vows that dim in comparison to what I had just said:

"I had thought to write this down," he starts and grasps my hands squeezing them, a sure sign that Ushijima is nervous. When had he ever been nervous before? "But even still those words would not have been enough for what I truly feel for you Eita. I felt like I had no life before you, like everything that I loved or cherished dimmed whenever you came into my world and I almost feel as if I wasn't worthy enough. I'll never forget the day I saw those brown eyes staring at me with so much hope, I wanted to give you anything you asked for, and I will. I'll love and cherish you even when we pass into the world on the other side of us. I'll listen to every complaint you have, and every story or poem you want to read to me, and I'll love you until I can't anymore," he lets go of my hands and holds my cheeks wiping away my errant tears, "My sweet Eita I'll always love you." 

The priest goes on after that as if that blissful moment didn't happen, but Ushijima still looks down on me, dazzling smile still in place until I feel Oikawa tap my shoulder. I wipe my cheeks still feeling dried up tears caked there, turning around to take the ring from him. A simple band, I wish I had been as extravagant with my purchasing, but the gold band suits him perfectly as I slide it onto his finger. It gleams back at me and I feel our years together sealing, intertwining, interweaving into each other with this simple moment. This simple moment that is sealed with a not so simple kiss. 

He glides his hands around my back and they rest right at my spine. Ushijima had never been a straightforward lover. He was greedy and passionate and it shows with how his tongue slides across the roof of my mouth and he tilts his head deepening the kiss, my hands dig into his arms until we hear a cough from the priest and snickers from the small crowd. I smile on his lips and he pulls away with those half hooded eyes. I've seen that look before, I've seen it about a million and one times but it has never been as appealing with him in this tuxedo and my ring on his finger. We face the crowd, hand and hand and see faces filled with happiness. Some with tears in their eyes, though they will deny it after we get to the other side of the garden. I had never thought I'd experience such a perfect day in my life.

"Eita."

The voice calls out to me too soon. It's too soon.

"Eita, wake up please." The voice pleads and I feel the dream slipping. It's the same thing, it's always the _same damn thing_ and I feel the tears welling up behind my closed eyes. I feel arms wrapping around me as Tendou climbs into bed with me. It's too hot, but I let him hold onto me as I sob.

"It's not fair. Why Tendou _why._ I'm so tired..so tired...." I don't know what I'm asking for. Why the dream continues to haunt me, why I never got to experience that euphoria in the first place because he died much too soon. Why do I still cry _every single day._

"I don't know Semi..." He repeats it, it's the same thing over and over again. 

It's been a year that has passed, but I feel like I have aged beyond my years. I look around our dim apartment, the same apartment I still torture myself by living in. I keep thinking you'll walk in one day. Throwing down that heavy ass briefcase, and pinning me down on the couch afterwards. Those olive eyes peering at me, seeing into my soul. It still smells like you, everywhere I go everything I do, it won't go away. I remember you being alive and I could never get that mouthwatering smell to stick to me.

"I miss him so much Tendou. Why did this have to happen to me." I gasp in between my sobs.

He just shushes me like always, hands circling in my hair in a calming motion, I guess it's supposed to be comforting. But all I've had is this uneasy feeling since you've been gone. Like half of me is never coming back. We had the same routine for 6 years. Six fucking years of our life spent together, just thrown away over somebody else's careless mistake. If we had fought more, maybe if I had a little bit of hate mixed in with my love for you I wouldn't still be mourning you. I hate you for being so perfect, but I just miss you. Fuck I _miss you so much_ that my heart aches all the time.


End file.
